“Don’t listen to what they say, watch what they do.”
Most of us are familiar with this old adage, having heard it in one form or another. Even more likely, we have firsthand experience from one side of the equation or the other – though quite probably both. Have you ever had a child call you out for committing an action that you expressly directed them not to do? Yeah, kids are blunt like that. Even if they don’t point out your hypocrisies, rest assured in knowing that they are watching, and they miss very little.
I can distinctly recall the admonishments of my Dad to never do this or that, often immediately after telling me stories about him committing those very acts when he was my age. And when you’re counseled to never drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes in between swigs of Pabst Blue Ribbon and long drags of Lucky Strikes by the one giving counsel, well, let’s just say the advice doesn’t carry much weight. Not that I’m here to throw my old man under the bus – I loved that guy, and miss him terribly. I know for a fact he meant well. Even though he did his best to guide me away from the people, places, and things that he knew were not in my best interest, I couldn’t wait to find out firsthand, because when we’re young and smarter than everyone else, that’s what we do.
The point I’m trying to make is that our actions are being observed by someone, whether we know it or not. This doesn’t only apply to guiding the young people in our lives, which we should certainly be mindful of, but we need to be aware of the fact that we set an example for anyone watching with every action we take. The important question is: Do we want to set a good example, or a bad one?
The world is filled with people who do whatever they damn well please with zero regard for the opinions of those around them. That’s okay; do your thing. Don’t be surprised, however, when someone calls you on it, especially if that someone happens to be your own kids.
As an aside, I’m sure I have stated in earlier entries that these little ramblings of mine aren’t meant to change the world. In fact, if any of these writings ever come across as advisory in nature, please know that the advice is meant for me. Yes, I use this exercise in creativity as a reminder to myself in hopes that I will heed my own direction, and hopefully, continue to grow while I still have the capacity to do so. If, by chance, someone else gleans some guidance, or experiences a lightbulb moment while reading these words, I guess … you’re welcome. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, setting examples …
In regard to setting examples, that applies not only to us and the ones we set, but also to that of others we may witness. I have long held the belief that you can learn something from virtually anyone. It may be how not to do something, but you just learned that. I’ll be the first person to admit that my observational skills are far from the greatest. If you want to hide something from me, put it prominently out in the open, front and center – I’ll never see it. But I do pay attention to people’s behavior, and I take mental notes for future reference, not for the purpose of casting judgements on them, mind you, but for guiding my own path moving forward.
When I witness someone committing a small act of kindness, for example, it plants a seed that makes me want to do the same – to pay it forward as the saying goes. Regardless of whether the act of kindness is directed at me, or I’m just a bystander making an observation, the impact is no different. And keep in mind that an act of kindness can be as tiny as brightening a stranger’s day with a simple smile, or holding a door for them, or reaching an item on an upper shelf at the grocery store for someone who otherwise can’t, or letting someone into traffic, or sharing your lunch with a stray dog in the park, or …. You get the idea. To be sure, significant, heroic, and high-profile acts of selflessness are always amazing to witness, but the small acts of kindness have the same effect on society as a whole. When I see these things occur – and I do on a regular basis – it instills in me an urge to imitate that behavior. People who perform these subtle kindnesses for no reason other than it’s a nice thing to do are an inspiration for anyone who takes the time to pay attention to the examples being set.
Conversely, when I observe bad behavior in others, I can hear my inner voice say, “Don’t be that guy!” This doesn’t just apply to overt actions of a mean or negative nature, but more often than not, simply behavior that I don’t find appealing. Personally, I prefer not to spend time in the presence of certain individuals because of their bad behavior, boorishness, poor attitude, or some other less-than-desirable traits. That in itself serves as a reminder to me that I don’t want to have that same effect on others around me, and I make an effort to pattern my behaviors accordingly.
The examples we set aren’t confined to random acts of kindness or rude behavior. How we carry ourselves in times of difficulty and loss, or times of victory and accomplishment, is something that is being observed by the world around us. We’ve all known sore losers, but most of us have encountered poor winners as well. Have you ever known someone who received a promotion, then became unbearable to be around because they were not equipped to be in a position of authority? For some of us, success can be a double-edged sword. It’s a fact of life that it takes some effort to remain grounded and balanced when accomplishment or victory comes our way.
Some of the most impressive examples I’ve ever been privileged to witness are those set by people dealing with difficulty, hardship, and loss. When I see someone saddled with a truly arduous challenge such as a grim medical condition, yet keep their chin up and somehow manage to stay positive throughout the ordeal, I find myself in awe of their strength and resolve. Positivity is a key factor in life overall, but it dark times, it can make all the difference in the world, including survival itself. My first thought is usually, “Would I be able to maintain that level of resolve if I ever wind up in a similar situation?” To be honest, I’m not really sure. I do know that if, heaven forbid, I should ever find myself in such dire circumstances, I will recall and draw strength from the examples that I have witnessed in these incredibly strong people. To these individuals I offer my sincere gratitude.
So yes, our actions are far-reaching, and they have the capacity to affect change in a greater chunk of the world than we might think. Most of us don’t have that near the top of our list of considerations when we go about our daily routines – I know I don’t – but it’s good to be reminded that someone is always watching.