Zip It!

and other helpful suggestions.

When I decided to start publishing this little blog o’ mine, I decided that I didn’t want to make it a vehicle for my personal complaints. I know that negative headlines and content tend to drive traffic to your platform, but I don’t really gravitate towards that sort of thing. To counter the abyss of negativity that is the modern Internet, I make every effort to not be that guy. But every now and again, I just can’t help venting a little.

I spend a fair amount of time traveling across the highways of this great land for various reasons, though most are music related. Folks who know me even just a little have heard me rant about some of the traffic related things that stick in my craw. Since I just returned home after putting another 2000 miles on my vehicle, I thought this would be a good time to let off a little steam in regard to some of the things I find most annoying while driving in my car.

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Let’s start with driving slowly in the passing lane. I spend a lot of time driving on the U.S. interstate highway system. It’s typically the fastest way from point A to point B, and these federally funded roads are usually well maintained. Things can get a little dicey at higher speeds, especially when there’s a heavier than usual number of vehicles on the road. This high stakes dance that we all do on the highway requires every driver to be alert, undistracted, and possess at least a modicum of common sense.

The first thing I tried to impart to my daughter while teaching her to drive was, Don’t do anything unexpected while driving. This is true at any speed on any type of road or highway. The first thing I taught her while driving on the interstate was, Go with the flow of traffic. Driving much slower than everyone else can be just as perilous as driving much faster – both scenarios are dangerous. Most law enforcement officers understand this better than anyone, as they see the unfortunate outcomes of bad driving. I am in no way suggesting that you should ignore the speed limit. However, if 90% of the traffic around you is travelling at 10 MPH about the posted speed limit, driving slower can be problematic.

Here’s where my rant starts. Operate your vehicle at the posted speed limit – or even slower – if that makes you feel safer, just do it in the right hand lanes whenever possible. The left hand lanes are there for passing and overtaking slower moving traffic. Once you’ve passed the slower moving traffic, then move back to the right to allow for drivers to pass you if necessary. If you’re not sure, just look around you. Is there a long line of cars accumulating behind you in the passing lane? If so, that means you need to move over ASAP. Are there vehicles passing you on the right? Once again, move your vehicle to an appropriate lane.

Most states have laws regarding proper lane usage, with some specifically referring to multi-lane highway driving. I’ve seen drivers get pulled over and cited for driving the speed limit in the passing lane, and I applaud those actions. One of my favorite highway signs was one that I saw while driving through Kansas. It stated, WE’D LOVE FOR YOU TO CAMP OUT IN KANSAS, JUST DON’T DO IT IN THE PASSING LANE! (pp)

Sadly, there are fools out there sharing the roads with us all who believe they’re morally superior because they never exceed the posted speed limits, and they often like to put their perceived superiority on display by clogging up the passing lane. I once had a guy intentionally pace the car in the right lane so that neither I nor any of the long line of cars behind me could get around him. Being that I was directly behind him, I got to enjoy all of the obscene gestures he was throwing around while he was in the process of teaching us all a lesson on how to drive properly.

Heavy sigh!

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Somewhat related to the irksome behavior mentioned above is the tendency to pass on the right. This generally is a result of some nitwit driving slowly in the passing lane, but often, it’s just some impatient a-hole zigzagging in and out of lanes in order to never have to slow down. Now most of us aren’t expecting to be overtaken on the right, so that in itself can cause someone to get startled, resulting in an accident. Add the fact that there’s a bigger blind spot on your right, and things can go badly without warning.

When I see a driver closing in on me from behind, I always try to get over to the right to properly free up the passing lane. Occasionally, the faster driver is already trying to pass me on the right when I start to change lanes. Danger, Will Robinson! Another good reason to follow proper protocol.

I’ll throw in other egregious behaviors like some motorcycle riders’ tendencies toward lane splitting and other reckless look at me actions like wheelies and trick riding. Regardless of your choice of vehicle, if you want to risk your own life, that’s your call. Doing that sort of thing on a public highway puts innocent people at risk, and is, in my humble opinion, a dick move.

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Saving my biggest driving-related pet peeve for last, let’s talk about the Zipper Merge. “What’s a Zipper Merge?” you ask. In a nut shell, it’s using both lanes all the way to a lane closure on a multi-lane highway, then taking turns at the merge point. If traffic is light, and there’s no slow down to contend with, there’s usually not a problem. If traffic is heavy, on the other hand, these bottlenecks can back traffic up for miles.

Many studies have been done on this issue, and the zipper merge has proven to be the most efficient way to navigate a lane closure on the highway. Some states even erect large, unambiguous signage directing drivers to USE BOTH LANES TO MERGE POINT, THEN TAKE TURNS. Unfortunately, these directives are often ignored.

I can see why you might become annoyed at the drivers who cruise unimpeded down the wide open lane after you diligently moved to the right lane immediately upon seeing the LEFT LANE CLOSED IN TWO MILES sign a mile and a half back down the road. That was your choice, so don’t get mad at others for not making the same mistake.

The absolute most aggravating situation of all is when, during one of these lane closures, some chucklehead decides to block that open lane so everyone has to comply with their wrong way of thinking. This jerk off move is usually perpetrated by a driver of a semi-truck or other large commercial vehicle. I actually encountered a truck driver who was driving in a serpentine style in an effort to block two open lanes at once. Where are the cops when you need them? (For the record, I passed that turd on the berm.)

If you don’t believe that the Zipper Merge has been proven to be the most efficient way to keep traffic flowing at a lane closure, a quick Internet search will enlighten you. Here are some valid points made by our AI overlords:

To improve traffic flow and reduce congestion, consider the zipper merge technique:

· Promotes efficient use of available road space by utilizing both lanes until the merge point.

· Reduces the likelihood of sudden braking and lane changes, enhancing safety.

· Minimizes traffic backups by keeping vehicles moving longer before merging.

· Encourages cooperation among drivers, fostering a more courteous driving environment.

· Decreases overall travel time for all vehicles involved in the merge.

· Helps prevent road rage incidents by reducing frustration during merging.

Please bear in mind that this only applies in a lane closure situation. If there’s a backed up turning lane, it’s definitely not cool to bypass the slow moving lane, then try to slip in at the end. That’s a whole ‘nother rant.

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In the interest of keeping this entry at a reasonable length, I’ll not delve into how badly drivers behave in parking lots. With the tendency to ignore all driving rules, parking lots are often more hazardous than highways.

Statistics have proven that travelling on our highways and byways is dangerous and all too often deadly. Stress levels are elevated, and along with that, emotions. Road rage is a real thing, and it can overtake the kindest, most mild mannered individual. Being present, paying attention, and using a little common sense will help keep us all happier and safer.

So the next time you’re camping out in the passing lane, and you see a long line of cars stacking up behind you, slide on over and let them proceed. And if you feel the need to block that long, open lane leading up to the merge point, don’t be surprised when I come flying past you on the shoulder. You’ll know it’s me because I’ll be waving at least one finger.

Be safe out there!